Author: admin

It is never too early to connect with our little ones. They feel all we feel as they grow and develop in pregnancy. It is natures way to prepare them for the world. We are in the most intimate relationship way before we can see or hold them. 

When parents discover how conscious babies are from conception onwards, there can be some mixed reactions! Maybe the pregnancy was a surprise, or a much wanted one that came at a time of grief or financial or professional pressure. Parents may feel ‘guilty’ that they are stressed or anxious or that their body isn’t ‘the perfect peaceful temple’ for their baby. There are so many demands in people’s lives and connecting with a baby, especially if this isn’t the first-born, can seem overwhelming.      

Parents may feel that conversations with baby is on their terms. For the baby though, continuous communication isn’t an optional extra;  They are literally plugged into mum and they receive all of her unfiltered! Babies  FEEL us, and their nervous system is shaped accordingly.

This isn’t intended as a guilt trip but to tell Parents loud and clear that babies are crying out for CONNECTION not PERFECTION! 

As vital to them as free flowing milk, truthful, heartfelt communication creates unshakeable bonds. Partners play a key role by supporting and nurturing mum through the highs and lows. This will be experienced as a supportive buffer for both mum and baby, bringing less fear and greater ease and security.

So how are you feeling today Muma? 

How would it be to gently open your heart, shed a tear if you need to and tell your little one how you are feeling?

Are you adapting to the idea of being a mum?

Excited but worried about some aspects?

Not confident in your abilities to love THAT much?

Fearful that you wont get somethings right? 

It is powerful to remember that regardless of any of your own misgivings or feelings of inadequacy  you are the very best parent for YOUR baby, you can learn together and they are totally open to connection with YOU…with all of YOU!

Is our own birth influencing our attitude to pain relief in pregnancy?

When I work with mums to be or those trying to conceive I take time to explore their own birth story.  Our own entrance into the world can leave lasting impressions that set a tone or mood around birth. Do we have an inherent belief in our capacity to birth or do we assume interventions will be needed? Perhaps there have been miscarriages or other challenges in the family and it is important for us to differentiate our story from what happened  to others.  

Women need all the encouragement they can get in the birthing arena. Time and time again I hear of mums who assume that they will need the epidural and are surprised when their body takes over.  Looking at the statistics though  it seems as though women do not have the self-belief, support or wish to attempt to have a natural physiological birth. In the US over 73% of mothers choose an epidural and around 68% of first-time mothers in Ireland. Although an epidural may be presented as a more comfortable and pain free way to give birth, it also comes with risks  and a need for continuous monitoring. It also tends to lengthen labour by up to an hour and a half. 

Epidurals were first introduced in the 1980’s for those wishing to avoid a full anesthetic for a c-section delivery. They have since become increasingly popular as the paradigm of “pain relief” has won popularity over the “working with pain” paradigm, writes Rhea Dempsey in her article ‘Pain is My Friend’.

The cascade of intervention is a term used to point to how early routine interventions may have unintended and unpredictable consequences.  Seemingly small interventions  will need to be “solved” with further interventions, which may in turn create even more problems.  

The introduction of an Oxytocin drip for example may sound innocent enough as after all Oxytocin is naturally present in our bodies and is  commonly known as ‘the hormone of love.’ What women may not know is that the artificial version inhibits the release of endorphins that can help us tolerate labour pains. Pitocin can also interfere with our own naturally arising Oxytocin which is critical for the post-natal bonding and the production of breast milk.

The implications of interventions, if not deemed medically necessary, need to be thoroughly understood and evaluated. Pains are likely to rapidly escalate when interventions are used in ways that are a lot harder to tolerate than pains that come on gradually:  

• When waters are broken pre or during labour. 
• When Synthetic Oxytocin or (“Pitocin”) is used to strengthen or induce contractions, this can accentuate pain as well as distress for baby. 
• Static monitoring is hard for most to tolerate.
• Sudden drops in blood pressure are possible with interventions
• A longer labour is likely 
• Urination and pushing baby out may be difficult. A catheter may be needed to empty the bladder.
• Electronic fetal monitoring and intravenous fluids may also be required to  monitor, prevent or treat these effects. 
• Vacuum extraction or forceps may be needed to help move the baby out. If these are ineffective, a c-section may be needed.

I hope you are all breathing easily…

It may be hard to read all of this at once and for many thousands of women there are other ways. Exploring the physiological purpose of pain in labour opens joyful possibilities.

For many of us sweating, stretching and defining ourselves through exercise and sports is crucial for our emotional and mental well-being.   Jane Fonda coined the term ‘going for the burn’, to point to the release of endorphins, the after-glow, the feel good factor of a satisfying work-out. 

When it comes to childbirth, there doesn’t seem to be the same cultural encouragement to do what our bodies are designed to do. There is an assumption that being with pain in childbirth is something to be avoided. The question is not “will you use pain relief?” but “which one and when”. Choosing to birth without pain relief could be seen as extreme as opting for dental work without anesthetic. 

Mums may decide ‘to wait and see’ or ‘give it a go’ but if they are with a team who believe it is their job to offer pain-relief,  it will take a strong person to resist.   

Being with pain in childbirth is very different from being with any other  type of pain. Reading the standard definitions below it is a wonder that it is called pain at all:

“Highly unpleasant physical sensation caused by illness or injury.”

Or again

“Pain is an unpleasant sensation and emotional experience that links to tissue damage.”  

 Or

“Pain is an uncomfortable feeling that tells you that something is going wrong.”

‘Illness, Injury’, ‘tissue damage’, ‘something going wrong’… those are not the sensations that women speak about in normal labour. 

Independent birth educator and author Rhea Dempsey reminds us that a growing number of women want to experience natural physiological childbirth. They don’t want to by-pass, avoid or be saved from pain they want to engage with it.  Rhea reminds mums that there will be a series of “predictable low times of self-doubt where they may lose all belief in their bodies capacity to birth naturally.”  If there is a map drawn out and these crises of confidence are discussed ahead of time, it will make it so much easier for a woman to ride the waves.  

“In many cultures across time”, Rhea writes, “the challenging journey of pregnancy and birth, was celebrated and honored as a transformational process, ‘ a rite of passage’.”  

Each birth is unique and I am not suggesting that we should all bite down on our sticks and tolerate unendurable pain. My wish is simply for families not to miss out on the joy and power of birth. 

Normal physiological pains of childbirth are accompanied by the release of powerful hormones. For women who have the right support, they will find that as they meet the pain, (call it a wave if you like!), they will experience the release of endorphins and oxytocin. High levels of oxytocin drive the contractions, the resulting sensations or pains are progressive and useful. For the birthing woman who has the chance to stay in her ‘zone’ she will discover that her body will enable her to birth from a much more instinctual place. Remembering too that she will soon meet her baby.

For those that choose or need medical interventions, there are many ways to engage more fully with the process. Birthing in a way that includes the baby’s experience of birth as well.

In 1999, when I gave birth to my first child who was inconveniently posterior I pushed myself  through a 36hr labour with zealous determination. If anyone has ever experienced a posterior labour they will know that the pains are relentless, often not the kind that feel productive.

From the outside looking in, I had the birth that I wished for, a ‘natural birth’ at home, with excellent care from my partner and the midwives involved.  From the inside though I took months to recover.  I drove myself so hard. I forgot that there was even a baby coming at all, that it was about love, about my partner, and becoming a mother. With the intensity of the pain, I lost my softness and galvanized myself like steel. As long as my son’s heart-beat was traceable, I just had to see this through. I heard people whispering in the kitchen, wondering about my stamina which enraged me enough to fight on!

But why the battle though?  I see now that this ‘ battle’ was about  triumphing over my own birth. Proving to the world, that I could birth MYSELF naturally. Whatever it took, I was NOT going to falter. On and on to the same music while everyone was collapsing. I was a lone warrioress. As well as forgiving myself, as I totally depleted myself in the process, I have to fully forgive and embrace some others as well. 

I was sixteen when my mother first told me how I was born. She looked away from me as she told me that she had had to have an emergency c-section with my brother. The longitudinal incision was life-saving as he was overdue and the waters had broken a week before. Eighteen months later when it was my turn, it was decided that it would be safer to open up the same scar. As a theatre sister and doctor’s wife, my mother told me she felt ashamed and humiliated about the way the ‘babies had to be born.’  She would have known the nurses and doctors, as friends and colleagues, which would have added to her embarrassment. She spoke of feeling a ‘failure as a woman’. I was angry and disturbed that my birth was linked to such feelings. We fell silent and as she turned up the volume on the television,  I felt as though I was drowning in failure and shame.  Sadly at this time, I wasn’t mature enough to offer her any comfort; I became the baby who was lost and disconnected. 

Many years later in 1990 when I began exploring the lasting impressions that our own births can have on us, I began to see how my early birth impressions were influencing my life, relationship with my mother and others (see this blog post). It was nearly as though I was wearing my birth story on my t-shirt and I wanted the world to rescue me! 

So although I am very proud of my son’s birth, there is a piece missing. I wasn’t even holding my son when I called my mother straight after the birth…I just wanted her to hear that women’s bodies can give birth naturally, that they are strong and designed for this. In that conversation I felt as though I was helping her heal some of her unresolved feelings.

As with all of these things there are layers and little did I know at this point that I would have to face an even bigger challenge in the postpartum phase. Back then I thought it was all about the birth, the event, the achievement. *See my blog on Post-partum care.*

So thank you fellow warriors for reading thus far and yes, of course I need to fully honour how transformative my son’s entry into the world really was. To complete the story, I want to firstly pick up my son and reclaim my softness as I hold him tight. I’m sorry I had to be so steely hard but we did it together! I want to fully honour my mother too and forgive myself for rejecting her when I heard about her feelings of failure. 

It can be a wonderful thing for birthing  parents to write their mothers a letter. This is mine.

Dear Mum, (Geraldine)

Today I want to celebrate your bravery. You told me so many times how you hated to be on ‘the receiving end’ of  hospitals, even though by all accounts you were an incredible theatre sister!  You lived through the death of your young brother, a war, an emergency c-section and a thousand challenges. I can only imagine how terrified you must have felt during my brother’s birth and then having to face into mine too. The big scar once again, feeling so on show, it must have been your worst nightmare. 

I am so sorry that you had no one to listen to you and help you after you gave birth.  Carrying those feelings alone must have been so painful for you, no wonder it felt so hard for us to laugh and fully connect. I see now that it was your feelings of failure and shame that I wanted to push away; not YOU. 

I am sorry too that when I cried so hard and so long as a baby, that you thought I didn’t want your milk.  That must have been soul-destroying especially when you were feeling so vulnerable. I know now that I was  angry that I was dragged out when I wasn’t ready and I didn’t understand why it had to be like this. It wasn’t about you at all. I know now that I was crying and crying to build connection with you. I am so sorry that I must have added to your feelings of inadequacy.

Today I thank you for doing your very best with the support that you had. We lived though that birth together and because of that you will always be by my side in my work with mums and babies. You were always brilliant with babies so calm and strong. I know that those feelings of shame and inadequacy didn’t start with you and not one bit of it was your fault. I am strangely proud of all that happened between us and when I picture your scar, I feel it on my own body too, as a badge of honour. I have even imagined that scar to be like a gorgeous amethyst crystal cave, a magical portal I had to come through in order to discover my own calling in life.

I am flooded with gratitude, I will never turn away from you again. Thank you for showing me the bridge back to you and for helping me soften more and more as a mum with my own growing family!

Your loving daughter, Sara